Illuminatishop

19 Hilarious Text's From Last Night

Posted by Dean Aaron on July 12, 2012 View Comments

Have you heard of this website, Text From Last Night? Well it chronicles conversations between people via texts, mostly at night while severely inebriated. The numbers before the text is the area code of the phone number the message was sent from. So rest assured, you are not the only embarrassment to your last living grandparents, there are complete and utter drunks living in every corner of this country/world. Here are a few of my favorites sexts/texts.

1. (775): Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook

2. (402): Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?

3. (914): He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike (914): Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?

4. (203): Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny

5. (770): Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?

6. (415): I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station

7. (831): She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"

8. (970): Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis

9. (410): Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.

10. (816): Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.

11. (910): i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit

12. (608): You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.

13. (360): My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.

14. (519): What color are my eyes?
(519): Ummmm... 34 C?

15. (919): I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka

16. (610): I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

17. (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

18. (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

19. (812): If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.